Accepting the Gifts

Accepting the gifts with which you have been blessed is ironically an act of great humility.

Until we have acknowledged and accepted the strengths or assets we have been gifted with, we are always seeking re-assurance about those things. We might seek affirmation about our looks, or affirmation that we are clever. Perhaps it’s affirmation that we run fast or sing well or play great chess. We spend so much precious time and energy, both our own and other people’s, pursuing affirmation. If I am having a conversation with someone and while they talk I am waiting to make my own point, or perhaps mentally criticising theirs, even if this game of one-upmanship is merely in my head, it is preventing me from truly hearing what that person has to say. I am prevented from deep connection with this person because my own insecurities are in the way. If I am worried that what I say might reveal me to be ignorant or stupid, these thoughts are stopping me from connecting in this moment, with this person.

We may be horrified to realise how often we unconsciously seek praise and affirmation, whether it is from a boss or a family member or a partner. We might think we are making the bed because “it’s the right thing to do” but perhaps if we delve a little deeper we might realise that we don’t really care about the bed being made but we know our partner does and she will be so happy with me if I do it! With all these unconscious motivations at work, life is complicated... But awareness, as always, is the first step.

I think so much of the unconscious game-playing in the never-ending quest for affirmation would automatically fall away if we accept ourselves as we are, which means the good stuff as well as the shadow stuff. By accepting our gifts and integrating them, we can move on, beyond the search for affirmation, to connect with people and to be of service to the world in a simpler way. In our strange society, we’re taught to deny our strengths, as if that were somehow a sign of humility, when actually it’s completely the opposite. I’m pondering that only when I can accept my strengths will I reach a level of humility that stops me constantly seeking affirmation from all those around me.

When I was part of a group of women doing emotional growth work we finished the course by all the women reaching agreement on the words they thought best described the others in the group. My list says “Amanda is ORIGINAL, NATURAL, CLEVER, BRAVE, WITTY, CAPABLE, QUIRKY and A CREATIVE, INTERESTING STYLISH DRESSER”. I am going to work on accepting these things that others see in me, because they are the gifts with which I have been blessed. Then I can move on, beyond the needs of my ego, to deeper connections with those around me. Oh dear, I’m already wondering how vain I will sound if I post this...which defeats the object of this entire message! I’m going to take a deep breath and send this out to the world.