Day 7 Find Extraordinary in the Ordinary

I was intrigued by this photo, even more so when I read the caption: "An extraordinary display of spring frost covering everything in sight. This particular image is of a frosted fence with a backdrop of a blue metal dumpster taken from a construction site." It was taken by Sara Worsham and it's part of a National Geographic Competition. They are all very cool, take a look.

A fence in front of a dumpster, on a construction site. And she saw this. I love it.

I'm going to try and spend the weekend on the lookout for the extraordinary in the ordinary. Not only physically, as in seeing the extraordinary beauty in the frost on an ordinary fence, but also intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

My thinking kind of follows on from my post on Internal Crossroads, because I believe that in ordinary moments, if we are able to change our habitual responses, there is an opportunity to experience something that is emotionally extraordinary. If someone crashes into your car, you can get out and start screaming they're a moron or find a tiny voice of inner calm and say "This is a very tough situation for both of us, are you OK?". (For the record, I've never actually done this!)

You can go to a likely-to-be-ordinary business meeting with a mindset "I might be meeting a soulmate today and our working relationship may change the trajectory of my entire career". Opening up to extraordinary possibilities. (This one I have done.)

An argument with someone close to you might be ordinary. Yet, if in processing that argument you have a flash of insight into your behaviour or new understanding of a dynamic that has kept you stuck for years - you can allow it to be an extraordinary opportunity for your own growth.(Yip, this I've done too.)

Physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually, this is my extraordinary mission for the next few days.

Day 6. Crossroads

There are many crossroads in our lives. Moments when we have to choose one direction over another. Some of them are “external” in nature such as which job to take (or which apartment to rent). For these there are wonderful books like Po Bronson’s What Should I do with My Life? And The Work We are Born to Do (I have SHELVES full of these books!).

I am at one of those career crossroads now. Actually I have taken some steps, so I guess I’m not at the crossroad anymore. But it’s a new road and it’s unfamiliar. Sometimes terrifyingly unfamiliar for Calamity Jane. The good news is that I have already encountered many wondrous women who will walk down this road with me. They are smart and conscious and intuitive and have wisdom and patience in quantities that I don’t possess yet!

But there are other sorts of crossroads that are more "internal". They are paths in my mind that represent different ways of reacting to situations. These are internal because these paths are actually my beliefs or way of looking at events. My mindset will determine my behaviour so the choice I make at the internal crossroads will determine my external path. And there a million books on how to change how you think about things! Power vs Force, A New Earth, You Can Heal Your Life, Man’s Search for Meaning to name just four. I believe there is an endless market for such books because it is human nature to search for meaning in life’s events.

The internal crossroads I’m talking about look like this:

Something has happened, I have been hurt, life hasn’t gone as I wished it to and now I must choose a reaction.

There is the path of the child – which involves various methods of self-defence, blaming, hurting back, anger, shouting and sulking and silent withdrawal. It’s about ego really. Then there is the higher path of the enlightened person – which is a path of acceptance, of letting go, of turning the other cheek, being the bigger person, taking nothing personally, acknowledging that everything unfolds for our highest good and that we have the ability to meet fear with love and meet anger with calm.

Yikes! I don’t want to behave like a child, as tempting as it can be, because that will only end up hurting me again and I’m trying quite hard to grow out of hurting myself. But gosh, I’m pretty far from enlightenment.

And so I gaze upon these crossroads. I think about the situations in which I have been deeply wounded. How am I going to act? How can I act rather than react?

And I think about the daily moments when someone “treads” on your toes, pushes a button, triggers an old wound. At every moment, I have a choice. Child or Saint?

I move slowly forward, trying to find my path. The path of a woman, who’s neither child nor saint. A woman who’s aware enough to see that there are different paths, but often moving too fast to choose the right one. Instead, she plunges off the edge of the beaten track and ends up alone, full of thorns and miles off course.

Dear Universe, help me slow down enough to SEE THE CROSSROADS, read all signposts and choose an easier path.

When it comes to the very big crossroads, may I take the time to sit under a tree, seek the counsel of locals that have been that way before and only when I am ready, let them guide my way on. I'll get there in the end, I know I will and I'll be a helluva lot less bruised and exhausted if I avoid all the potholes and deadends.

Day 5: What value do we place on our time?

Everybody places a different value on their time.

When you’re trying to meet up with someone, they could respond in numerous ways:

“If you meet me at the airport at 6.30pm next Thursday, we can chat for 40 minutes before my flight to XYZ”.

(no flexibility, their time is clearly more important than yours so you fit in with them)

Or

“I’ll check my schedule and come up with a few options for the week after next.”

(medium flexibility, they’re letting you know they’re busy but will make the time. They value your time too hence the giving of various options)

Or

“Let’s look at our diaries. What would work for you? A breakfast or lunch meeting? A coffee somewhere? How long do you think we will need for the discussion?”

(very flexible – our time is equally important. Let’s find a solution together.)

I’m trying to figure out where I stand. I’m trying to decide what value I place on my own time and my own priorities.

I’m trying to understand when I say “yes” to something that doesn’t work for me because I don’t want anyone to think anything bad about me. Why do I sometimes stand in a noisy bar shouting into someone’s ear wishing I didn’t have to be there, but staying because I’d said ‘yes’.

When is OK in my own eyes to change plans because something more important has come up? We all know that sometimes you have to break an arrangement (emergencies, accidents, illness) but when can you change plans because you shouldn’t have agreed to something in the first place?

Some people just don’t commit until the last moment so they can keep all their options open. I hate it when I’m the host and this happens. Yet if I’m honest, I will admit I have done this too.

There’s no black or white here. It’s mostly grey. It’s about boundaries. And that is a fluid area. I will go way out of my way for one person but not for everyone. I think it’s normal. A friend once asked me to ride a cycle race with her at dawn one morning and go dancing all that night because that’s how she wanted to spend her birthday. I sure didn’t feel much like partying that night but I was there although my legs were too sore to dance! She would have done it for me. Part of a close relationship is that you agree to go out of your way for one another.

When is it OK to say no?

To say “Love your hang-gliding party idea, but it’s really not my thing.”

To say “Love the fact you’d like me to get up at 4am and watch the sunrise, but I’ll be getting to bed after midnight as I have commitments the night before”

To say “Love your wine-tasting weekend plans but actually I don’t drink so it’s not my vibe.”

This subject could be written about ad nauseum...about differing value systems, boundaries personalities, rank, power, privilege, relationships, families, priorities, morality – through each of these lenses we can get a different perspective on how we value our time and our judgments about how other people value theirs.

I just want to be OK enough with who I am to say “yes” or “no” or “maybe” and know that it was the right decision for ME to have made. That I can change my decision if I need to. And not feel guilty.

I want to love myself enough to trust my intuition.

Day 3. Thank You Universe

Thank you Universe

For a year of such intense growth and learning.

For the adventures, laughter and sunshine.

For runs and rides and walks in places of breathtaking beauty.

For all the pain I needed to shift to a new place of greater awareness.

For holding me when I was so far out of my comfort zone.

For providing the right people, at the right time, to carry me through moments of darkness.

For showing me the fragility of life.

For showing me the miracle of death.

For showing me the power of love.

For giving me a partner who has believed in me long enough for me to believe in myself.

For the introductions to a whole new cast of conscious people who are going to walk the next part of my journey with me.

For giving me glimpses of a future I am so excited to behold.

Tonight at sunset on the beach I shall honour all the lessons and let go into the outgoing waves all that no longer serves me from the last 34 years.

I put down the pain and fear I’ve experienced so I can take only my learning from these experiences and incorporate it into the essence of who I am, as I turn 34 tomorrow and move into my 35^th year on this beautiful planet.

Thank you.

Day 2 Risk Looking Like a Fool for Love

Following last week's reply to the Invitation, I felt like adding this update.

It's a lousy photo I know! But that’s me RISKING LOOKING LIKE A FOOL FOR LOVE.

I’m standing next to the man I love, in a bar at 1am in the middle of the week singing an Elton John song as a duet to an audience of 5 people.

There were bits that sounded ok.

There were bits that sounded awful.

And I loved every minute of it.

I think mostly I loved the fact I've found someone who'll do stuff with me. Someone who, when I say "I'd like to sing a karaoke duet!" or "I'd like to write a book!" or "Change careers!" "Move house!" "Bake a souffle!" "Go bowling!" "Watch 4 episodes of Grey's Anatomy and cry my eyes out!" or "Save this refugee" or "Change the world!"...

smiles and says "cool, let's do it".

So now I can tell everybody

That this is Our Song.

It may be quite simple, but now that it’s done.

I hope you don’t mind,

I hope you don’t mind that I put down in words,

How wonderful life is while you’re in the world.

Love is Watching Someone Die

I was looking up the words for the song “Love is watching someone die” which someone sent me recently. I will post the words later maybe. But it was serendipity that I stumbled across the most beautifully heartbreaking tribute by a girl who lost her horse and companion of 20 years. Her post is called Love is Watching Someone Die. I need to share it.

You will cry.

But it’s OK.

It will probably open up your own grief and loss.

And that’s OK too.

We need to grieve.

I’m still sitting here with tears streaming down my face. It’s less than a month since I sat in a candle filled room, pulsating with unimaginable quantities of love and sorrow and watched someone die. I know she had to go but the loss of a woman so gentle and wise, smart and funny, has left an enormous hole in my heart.

So when you’re sure you’re ready, and you are not about to go into an important meeting or a first date, read Keiko Lynn’s story, and as you read about her loss, be prepared to grieve your own.

Day 1. Try Something New for 30 days

I just watched this TED talk Try Something New for 30 days - and I loved it. It’s short - maybe 5 minutes, so watch that, read this if you like and decide what you’re going to try for 30 days.

I’ve decided to start with 2 things.

I’m going to meditate every day for 30 days.

I’m going to write a blog post every day for 30 days.

Why meditation? I’ve tried on and off over 8 years to make meditation a habit but it never lasts more than a month or 2. But it appears time to try again. My brain’s been out of control for a few weeks. It’s a time of great transition in my life which is AMAZING and EXCITING and SCARY AS HELL! I’ve not had a proper income for the entire year. I’m on a new career path. I’ve had fallouts with people. I’ve met some deeply wonderful people that I know will be a part of my new journey. I’ve lost people and I’ve found people. And in this rollercoaster my brain is in a permanent brainstorming session trying to figure it all out. I get up to go to the bathroom at night and within 10 seconds the debating team has started along with a soundtrack and the PA in my head is reminding me of a whole bunch of things I mustn’t forget – (leg wax! Car service! Buy electricity!) There is no way I can get back to sleep. There is no longer any shadow of a doubt that I need to meditate if I am to stay sane. That monkey mind (as the Buddhists call it) needs to be trained. Meditation it is.

Blogging. Well I started blogging at the beginning of the year, but it sort of slipped by the wayside for a few months recently. Mostly because I like to write about what MOVES ME. But it so happened that the things that MOVED ME in September and October were too big and too personal to write about on a blog. Too much pain. Too many stories that involve other people and aren’t mine to share in a public forum. So I didn’t write at all. It feels like it’s time to write again.

I read over what I’ve written and suddenly think “oh, this is a bit boring, pointless and stupid!” – so I turn to my “friend” Havi, whose blog is so whacky that it won’t appeal to everyone, but some of it I find so super useful it’s ridiculous. And she makes me feel better. She makes 3 points:

1. Even if your stuff actually is boring, pointless and stupid it will help someone.
2. Your stuff doesn’t have to be helpful for everyone. It just needs to be helpful for the people who need it in that form at that moment.
3. Helpful and original are two totally unrelated things.

She goes on to explain that what you share "doesn’t have to be creative or inventive or original. The unique bit is the way that you phrase it or explain it or demonstrate it. Or the way they hear it. Your particular flavour or take on something will lead them to their moment of OH!

You will be the facilitator of the OH! And the people who need that OH will be saying hell yeah”

That’s why I love Havi! She has managed to capture what it is that I will be doing in my new career. I am a facilitator of the OH! More about that some other time.

Only 29 days to go. Yay!