Everybody places a different value on their time.
When you’re trying to meet up with someone, they could respond in numerous ways:
“If you meet me at the airport at 6.30pm next Thursday, we can chat for 40 minutes before my flight to XYZ”.
(no flexibility, their time is clearly more important than yours so you fit in with them)
Or
“I’ll check my schedule and come up with a few options for the week after next.”
(medium flexibility, they’re letting you know they’re busy but will make the time. They value your time too hence the giving of various options)
Or
“Let’s look at our diaries. What would work for you? A breakfast or lunch meeting? A coffee somewhere? How long do you think we will need for the discussion?”
(very flexible – our time is equally important. Let’s find a solution together.)
I’m trying to figure out where I stand. I’m trying to decide what value I place on my own time and my own priorities.
I’m trying to understand when I say “yes” to something that doesn’t work for me because I don’t want anyone to think anything bad about me. Why do I sometimes stand in a noisy bar shouting into someone’s ear wishing I didn’t have to be there, but staying because I’d said ‘yes’.
When is OK in my own eyes to change plans because something more important has come up? We all know that sometimes you have to break an arrangement (emergencies, accidents, illness) but when can you change plans because you shouldn’t have agreed to something in the first place?
Some people just don’t commit until the last moment so they can keep all their options open. I hate it when I’m the host and this happens. Yet if I’m honest, I will admit I have done this too.
There’s no black or white here. It’s mostly grey. It’s about boundaries. And that is a fluid area. I will go way out of my way for one person but not for everyone. I think it’s normal. A friend once asked me to ride a cycle race with her at dawn one morning and go dancing all that night because that’s how she wanted to spend her birthday. I sure didn’t feel much like partying that night but I was there although my legs were too sore to dance! She would have done it for me. Part of a close relationship is that you agree to go out of your way for one another.
When is it OK to say no?
To say “Love your hang-gliding party idea, but it’s really not my thing.”
To say “Love the fact you’d like me to get up at 4am and watch the sunrise, but I’ll be getting to bed after midnight as I have commitments the night before”
To say “Love your wine-tasting weekend plans but actually I don’t drink so it’s not my vibe.”
This subject could be written about ad nauseum...about differing value systems, boundaries personalities, rank, power, privilege, relationships, families, priorities, morality – through each of these lenses we can get a different perspective on how we value our time and our judgments about how other people value theirs.
I just want to be OK enough with who I am to say “yes” or “no” or “maybe” and know that it was the right decision for ME to have made. That I can change my decision if I need to. And not feel guilty.
I want to love myself enough to trust my intuition.
No comments:
Post a Comment