Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Soul Work

There’s an awesome programme for women that was started in the United States and is steadily expanding around the world. It’s called Woman Within and you can read about it here if you like http://www.womanwithin.org/

I did the weekend programme about 6 years ago and gained a lot although if I am honest, I had already done a lot of personal development work and therapy before that so it wasn’t as ground breaking an experience as it can be for some participants. Last year I decided to get involved again and I went back as a staff member for one of the weekends, just helping on a lowly level to set things up and play a small part in the processes. Staffing was amazing. I feel like it was even more awesome than doing the weekend as a participant. I signed up to be a staff member again this year.

I know it is widely recognised that being of service to humanity is deeply rewarding. Experts in self-development, whether they write from a religious or spiritual or psychological perspective, place being of selfless service at the highest level of personal consciousness. Staffing on a Woman Within weekend is an opportunity to experience this reward. While I could continue in an academic style to discuss the benefits and advantages of helping other women on their journeys, it is such a deeply personal experience that I’ll just tell you about my experience.

I am driving away from a Woman Within weekend of staffing feeling so deeply fulfilled and connected to the women I worked alongside, the women who participated on the course and to all women everywhere. I think about the women around the world who do this work and the courage it takes to step into the fire and find the parts of yourself that you lost or buried years, months, or weeks ago. The parts that had to be shut away when the loss, hurt, betrayal, anger and grief of life lived on life’s terms became too much for your soul to bear. I think about the women who never get the chance to step within themselves, either because they’re too afraid or because their lives are such a struggle for survival that there are no resources to spare on finding one’s personal meaning for existence. I think too, of the many women who live in cultures and countries where women dare not have any voice at all.

Watching the four facilitators from the United States and the UK work with women this weekend, was like seeing miracles take place in front of my eyes. These women are so powerful yet so in touch with their vulnerability. I have been shown a new form of leadership. In fact, a new way of being in the world. These women have spent decades on their own journeys and in facilitating other women’s processes. Their complete presence when helping a woman process an issue is awe-inspiring. At the same time, their humility is astounding. Witnessing divine compassion radiate from a woman’s face while deep in facilitation, I knew I was watching God’s work.

I drive across the mountains towards my home, knowing that this weekend I stopped all the busyness of everyday living and made space to touch my own soul. My soul is grateful. I sing the songs we sang on the weekend just so I can hear once more the joyous sounds of women supporting each other. When I reach my house, I turn off the car and feel the waves of grief rush up and pour down my face. I don’t know if I am crying for all my own old wounds or for the individual women who laid forth their grief in all its rawness this weekend. They did this so that together we could nurture them back to the joy that I believe is our birthright. I cry with abandon for all the women who cannot cry. The women who dare not express their grief in case it consumes them. Until they are able to, I will cry for them. I sit in my car and I cry for lost love. I cry for the agony of betrayal. I cry for the shockingly numerous stories of sexual and emotional abuse often at the hands of people supposed to protect us. I cry for a mother saying goodbye to her dead baby.

Last year I watched a participant as jittery as an abused animal slowly let other women approach her inch by inch. This year I watched in awe as this same woman presented herself on the staff, ready to help other women heal. This is God’s work.

As I cry, my tears change to tears of gratitude that I am able to witness this type of transformation.

I let it all out, knowing that this is just a release. I am OK. When I am done, I get out my suitcase and start singing softly as I make my way inside,

“We are women on a journey,

Shining like the sun.

Shining through the darkest night,

The healing has begun, begun, the healing has begun.”


PS. I am not religious but I believe in spiritual connection. The feeling of divine grace I felt this weekend prompts me to use the word “God” far more than I am used to!

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